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 Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

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PostSubject: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?   Sat Jan 26, 2008 2:00 am

W hy did the chicken cross the road?:



PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.



DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!



ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.



MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.



GRANDP A: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.



ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.



KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.



SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.



RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?



CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.



FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?



MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.



FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.



BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.



EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?



BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?



IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.



THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.



COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?



RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.

Add on.... Historical road crossings by chicken: Aristotle : To actualize its potential.

B.F. Skinner : Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung : The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

David Hume : Out of custom and habit.

Douglas Adams : Forty-two.

Epicurus : For fun.

George Washington : Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.

Hamlet : Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of on coming vehicles...

Johann Friedrich von Goethe : The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

John Constantine : Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.

Julius Caesar : To come, to see, to conquer.

Ludwig Wittgenstein : The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Machiavelli : So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Malcolm X : Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.

Martin Luther King, Jr. : I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Martin Luther King : It had a dream.

Neil Armstrong : One small step for chickenkind, one giant leap for poultry.

Plato : For the greater good.

Richard M. Nixon : The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Sigmund Freud : The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Sisyphus : Was it pushing a rock, too?

The Sphinx : You tell me.

Hippocrates : Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
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PostSubject: Answering Machine Greeting:   Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:21 am

Hi. This is Bob.

If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

_________________
When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us!!!
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