>>I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go on our anniversary?"
>> She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
>> I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
>> We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
>> She ran after the garbage truck yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
>> "No, jump in!" said the truck driver.
>> One day a father called his 6 children together and asked, "Now tell me,
>> who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mother
>> asked?" In one voice they all replied, "You, Daddy!"
>> After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I
>> married you. And the husband replied,
>> Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it.
>> BARTENDER: I think you've had enough sir.
>> DRUNK: I just lost my wife, buddy
>> BARTENDER: Well, it must be hard losing a wife...
>> DRUNK: It was almost impossible
>> A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and
>> threw in a penny.
>> The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell
>> into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for awhile but then
>> smiled and said, It really works.
>> A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and
>> started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man
>> kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity
>> and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
>> The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with
>> your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever
>> seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The
>> mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
>> replied, "My wife's first husband."
>> A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
>> because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
>> First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
>> Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
>> A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the
>> husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be
>> here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I
>> wouldn't be here."
>> Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
>> After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
>> Marriage is a three ring circus:
>> 1. engagement ring
>> 2. wedding ring
>> 3. suffering
>> A little boy asked his father,
>> "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
>> And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
>> The Good Wife
>> A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup,
>> the doctor called the wife into his office alone...
>> He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined
>> with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will
>> surely die."
>> "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he
>> is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner
>> prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as
>> he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will
>> make his stress worse. And most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you
>> can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will
>> regain his health completely."
>> On the way home, the husband asked his wife...
>> "What did the doctor say?"
>> "You're going to die," she replied...
>> A Mans Misfortune
>> God created the donkey and told him:
>> you will work tireless from sun up to sun down, carrying heavy
>> bags on your back, you'll eat grass, you will not have intelligence and you
>> live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!
>> The donkey answered: I'll be a donkey, but living 50 years is too much,
>> give me only 20 years. And God gave him 20 years.
>> God created the dog and told him:
>> You will look after the men house, you will be his best friend, you will
>> eat whatever they give you and you will live 25 years. You will be a DOG!
>> The dog answered: God, living 25 years is too much, give only 10.
>> God gave him 10 years.
>> God created the monkey and told him: You will jump from branch to branch,
>> you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years.
>> The monkey answered: God, living 20 years is too much, give only 10 years
>> and God agreed.
>> Finally, God created man, and told him: You will be Man, the only rational
>> being on this earth, you will use your intelligence to control other
>> animals, you will dominate the world and will live for 20 years.
>> The man answered: God, I'll be man, but living 20 years is not enough, why
>> don't you give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 20 years that
>> the dog did not want and the 10 years that the monkey refused.
>> That was what God did, and since then, Man lives 20 years like a man, then
>> he gets married and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying the
>> load on his back, then when his children leave, spend 15 years like a dog,
>> looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him, then he gets
>> old, retire, and spend 10 years like a monkey, jumping from house to house
>> or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse the
Dream Is Not What U C In Sleep Dream Is A Thing Which Does Not Let U SleeP!